ALEX & ALEXANDRA

Hello, my name is Alex, and I was born with ambiguous genitalia. I am known as an intersex or, to use outdated terminology, a hermaphrodite. I have XY chromosomes and was born with a tiny penis and a set of internal testicles; however, by the age of two, doctors decided that I was to be castrated and transformed into a woman. My parents were led to believe that I could never live life successfully as a male; my breasts would develop with lots of hair and suffer ridicule in later life. My parents made the only responsible decision they could based on the information they had. The last thing they wanted for me was a life of misery.

At the age of six, without asking me, my penis was removed as surgeons began to build a female body for me, complete with a designer plastic vagina. From here on, I was to be dressed in a pink skirt, let my hair grow long, and be known as Alexandra.  I recall being told that something wasn’t growing right in my body, like my cousin, who had six fingers. At age ten, my testes were removed. I sensed danger internally and externally as doctors surrounded me, constantly taking photographs.

It was at the age of twelve when we were introduced to the male and female anatomy at school, that I began to explore my physical self. As I sat in front of the mirror with my anatomy book, I noticed that I was not built according to the pictures in the book. I remember trying to put a tampon inside me with no success. I built up the courage to talk to my mother about this as the floor disappeared from under my feet. I realised I didn’t know what I was!

Freak was a word that came to mind, and I had an overwhelming need to talk to my doctor as I didn’t trust my parents anymore.

When the doctor told me about my testicles, this only made things worse, and I became even more lost and confused. At the age of 14, I was given female hormones, which helped develop my breasts, followed by another reconstruction of my vagina at the age of sixteen.  Life spiralled out of control for me at this stage, and I descended into self-harming through cigarette burns, cuts on my arms, tried heroin, and three attempted suicides.

It was when I was diagnosed with leaukaemia at 19 that was to save my life. After 13 weeks of coma, I came to the realisation that my body (not me)would continue to self destruct, unless I began to accept myself and even love myself however I was.  This is easy to say and harder to do in a world of only two options – male and female.

“The beginning of my new life came about after I called into a radio talk-back show where the discussion was about plastic surgery. I opened the discussion about those who have plastic surgery performed on them without their consent. This was the beginning of my life in the open. This led to my choice to have my breasts removed and once again live as Alex.” This same year, I began the documentary Tintenfischalarm.

I now live in a small country-side home where my neighbours are aware of my real sex, and I feel great being Alex, an intersex.

Hello, my name is Alex, I am pleased to meet you.

Alex – 28/09/2012